The Client & the Practitioner: My Yoni Speaks Her Truth.
Yesterday I gifted myself a 6-hour round trip in dedication to hearing the calling of my pelvic bowl, more specifically my yoni (my vagina). You see she has been in pain, and I was beginning to feel that she would always remain such…….
My pain was not constant but was with penetrative sex, and had been with me for the last year or so, beginning at a time when I’d moved into my dad’s house as an interim between selling and buying our new home. Added to the mix, in a way I was not sure about, was being 2 years plus post-menopausal and a libido which felt it had bottomed out & gone into a nose spin. My fear, unsurprisingly was, is this how things were destined to be? And yet given what I do in supporting other women to reconnect and reclaim their sovereignty & inner power (through HPC™ & womb massage/reading) this just didn’t feel right. And, in any case, I wasn’t prepared to take this lying down so to speak.
Please don’t get me wrong, I had been working towards healing the pain…. at first it had felt like a heaviness in my yoni and my immediate thought was a uterine prolapse. But honestly that doesn’t really fit the profile of a woman who’s never vaginally birth, my one beauty being born by caesarean. So, I embarked on physiotherapy by a female pelvic care specialist. I knew that she’d want to work internally and so with a mild sense of trepidation, but a heart and head which encouraged me on, I booked my first session. And it was fine; a strategically placed towel covers your “modesty” and she worked respectfully & with empathy. But 6 months down the line and the pain, although initially it felt ever so marginally better, was still present.
By then the selective amnesia had begun to lift enough for the penny to drop and I took a long hard look at myself. I’d been avoiding asking myself the pertinent questions and so ignoring the bigger picture because I hadn’t yet been ready to really go in deep within myself & dig around in the dirt and see what the issues were. I’d been happily expecting someone else to come along and heal “my stuff” on a physical level alone, whilst giving my inner power to them into the bargain……..maybe this could have an deep rooted emotional aspect to it, which only I could heal?
During this time though and almost definitely because I’d had internal massage, the opportunity arose to train as a Holistic Pelvic Care™ provider with Tami Kent, author of “Wild Feminine” (which I was reading) and herself a pelvic health physio. This was to be the first time that Tami was teaching here, and I felt the strongest need to be part of this training, even though I knew so little about it. Surprisingly the thought of working with other women’s vaginas didn’t seem such a leap and I spent 4 glorious days in the summer working alongside this super skilled energy reader and 16 other practitioners from all over Europe. What we all discovered on the most profound of levels, was that our pelvic bowl is the treasure chest of our own healing and medicine as a woman. I was HOOKED.
So, in early Autumn I began my HPC practice with other women. Truly, it feels such a gift to work and honour other women in this way. They show up fully in their unique presence and they cry, and they howl, and they leave lighter, happier, with more awareness, more love for themselves and more powerful than they have ever been before. They are courageous, and they are pioneers; most of them have worked through the fear of being touched in such sacred space (although I do work externally as well), many are still teetering on the brink. Which is interesting because as women most of us have given our vaginas to another, or had medical interventions which have probably been performed in the most non-serving of ways. It’s a form of giving our power away that we are only just understanding now in all its fullness.
With the realisation that the physiotherapy was falling short of my emotional and spiritual needs, I embarked on a greater self-care regime, regularly checking with my pelvic bowl and listening to her wisdom. And then gradually synchronistic events occurred – I was on holiday but by chance I saw that a “Wild Women Wealth Circle” (https://sherockswealth.com/) was about to begin. Intuitively I knew I needed to do this course, not because I felt the need to be earning trillions but because I knew I needed to work into the next level of awareness of the sacral chakra that surely must still be holding levels of wounding…..power, authority and money and specifically my relationship with them.
I’m having the most amazing breakthroughs with this course (which is still ongoing), unearthing deep held patterns from family & childhood and really beginning to release myself from these outdated and non-serving paradigms. One night I hardly slept as I continually experienced the most profound thoughts & aha’s, amazingly in the morning I remembered it all well enough to write it all down. The insights I wrote down represented major shifts of creative energy and awareness. I felt like I was opening up in the most magical of ways! One of my scribblings was to contact a fellow HPC practitioner, so despite the travel distance I booked in, a place being available well before my expectation. Maybe there was an emotional/energetic issue that was calling for my attention?
Rachel Whitehead (http://www.thefeminineawakened.com/) held me deeply as I was asked to check in with my sexuality and sensuality as a post-menopausal woman – how was that feeling for me – this was intensely uncomfortable voicing this, but I continued, “leaving no stone unturned”. I’d been asked what was the goal for this session and I’d answered by saying to see if there was an emotional aspect to the vaginal pain….in my heart I knew this must be so, but fear and not being yet ready had delayed my ability to be able to deal with it but …. yesterday was that day. With the deepest respect for my yoni, I can tell you that each place where I experienced pain and tightness during our had its own unique story to reveal and to tell AND to be heard.
The soreness turned into blinding red rage – impressions were about the subjugation of women & not being heard. This was mine & the collective voice of womanhood past and present. The reds turned to burnished orange & yellow as the energy began to shift and clear. The soreness began to soothe as we moved on to the next quadrant that cried out to be heard and acknowledged. Immediately I saw an incident as a child, my Dad walloped had me over the head for a misdemeanour, and I remember his heavy signet ring contacting the side of my head with some force. My shock and indignation were palpable. What I felt now though was the realisation that he’d been so ashamed of his uncontrollable action that he’d dumped his shame and I’d swallowed it up and stuffed it down deep inside of me! Just wow!
And then my C-Section, which I’d worked on energetically many times before, but this time it was about my choice of a vaginal birth being taken away from me, again my wants and needs not heard & meet and my vagina crying out for the experience she craved. All of this and no doubt more held tightly within the fascia of my yoni. No wonder she was in pain, no wonder she was calling out to be heard.
Today I’ll process and be kind to myself and look for deeper clues and awareness. Today I’ll honour the medicine that is held within my bowl as it’s held within yours. How utterly amazing are we, that we can heal ourselves with the loving guidance and acceptance of this breathtakingly beautiful therapy. For you are your own healer, we are the guides/interpreters and that is the most empowering “therapy” I have yet to experience. It felt so important to share, to let you know there is a way to discovering our deepest held wounds so that they may be healed and we maybe more whole and standing in our power. More fully grounded and connected into Mother Earth. This is what is being called for and I for one heard that call and I actioned that call.
And I am here for you dear sister, when you too may hear your call and I will guide you into your inner wisdom and resource – the beauty and the sacredness of this most beautiful, powerful space. We are sacred, we are blessed.
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Andrea Clarke is a women’s health practitioner, healer, coach & mentor, dedicating her work to inspire & ignite your inner light and remembrance. Connecting women to their wombs, whilst healing our collective wounds x